A leek

Nov. 4th, 2020 08:14 pm
Picture a leek.

Some people see the veined white, very slightly yellowing body with a few roots left at the cut base, rising into deep green leaves, perhaps beginning to dry out at their tips, and perhaps with a few grains of sand sticking here and there to the plant. The kind of leek you might bring home from the grocery.

Some see an emoji leek, something like a pure white stalk ending an a deep green bloom of leaves, with, dark outlines in virtual ink.

Others have only a dim image of the idea of a leek, though maybe they can smell its odor, like an onion but more gentle, or taste its flavor in a salad of steamed leeks lightly dressed with an olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette. Or perhaps they can neither see nor smell it, but can feel its fibers yield under the knife on the cutting board as the cut goes through, layer by layer. Or feel a slice of softened, boiled leek in their mouths as it suddenly gives way to the scraping crack of a grain of sand between the molars.

Some cannot represent it at all. They have little experience with leeks, and would hardly recognize one among other vegetables, let alone see it in their mind's eye.

Only a few would disagree that they have a mind's eye, and so find it impossible to picture a leek. But what of those who always had the ability to picture things in their mind's eye, and now find it has gone blind?
Conscious attention
  • Smells: bananas, prunes, some very damp air, incense.
Conscious action
  • Reading.
  • Dinner, chewing thoroughly.
  • Guitar exercises.
  • Meditation, ritual, throwing the wands.
  • Counterclockwise round the house.
  • Finishing the Antora migration.
  • Breaking to walk, read, shave shower.
  • Preparing for the docs meeting.
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Totally focused on the computer, and on work. Forgetting to take breaks.
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Flopping on the couch after dinner and taking it easy.
  • Sometimes I so want to finish something that I forget to pay attention to what I'm doing.
Conscious attention
  • The energy left in the evening can go to good use. Rather than let it go to waste, do something small.
  • Reading.
  • Feeling some recovery in my back.
  • The almost full moon.
  • The smells of incense and horses.
  • The sign of Bendith Fawr.
  • The puzzling signals of failing pipeline code.
  • The flavor of cold leftovers.
  • The tension struggling at a problem.
  • How soon it starts to get dark.
Conscious action
  • Meditation, throwing the wands, writing.
  • Counterclockwise round the house.
  • Getting started early.
  • Stuggling with Jenkins pipeline refactoring, but finally hacking through it.
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Not paying close attention in a meeting.
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Tensing up instead of accepting the work.
  • Not taking breaks.

Kek

Nov. 1st, 2020 05:41 pm
Kek, the light bringer. Kek, the frog deity. Kek, the older man with smiling eyes.

He met the younger man in the dream, wearing a felt hat that covered his head in the brilliant light of noon, hardly perspiring in the desert sun, looking at the younger man as if he had just risen from a nap. He dressed like a common day laborer, gentle and standing back with shoulders slightly bent, as if he were too shy to look directly into the eyes of anyone he spoke to.

And yet he stood lean and wiry under his work shirt, with a body at least twenty years younger than his white hair and long sideburns. Bent like a frog with eyes on the top of his head. He could see everything around him without looking directly. He could, with only his tongue, lash out and grab opportunity, changing the course of things without moving the rest of his body. Like a frog, apparently inoffensive.

Without seeming to bound forward, he started towards the steppe, quickly leaving the younger man scrambling to keep up. He could see the desert would eventually give way to the steppe itself, and then even, over time, to forest again. But that would happen in the far future, and the younger man would no longer be here in this form. He needed to reach the windy grasslands straight away.

Kek would guide him on more than one level. The younger man would miss nothing, though much would remain accessible only to his unconscious, in his higher (and lower) selves, until he could open himself to those selves, and accept his own eternity.

That would not be today.

Kek would carry the light to the lightning flash. There he would let it go to illuminate the sky and the earth.
Conscious attention
  • Listening to Dana recovering his mobility and his feet
  • Watching the full moon to see the man with the cauldron (not yet)
  • Taste of risotto, of ice cream
  • Feeling the diminishing pain
  • Smells: fall damp, sage... later, burning camomile
Conscious action
  • Cooking risotto
  • Stopping by at A & L's show
  • Playing guitar, including Brouwer's studies
  • Waiting for Nathalie
  • Relaxing to fall asleep again
  • Pathworking
  • Counterclockwise round the house
  • Burning camomile
  • Cooking vegetable curry, hummus
  • Taking a family walk
  • Listening to a podcast about retrocausality
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Forgetting to focus on the stories
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Watching a silly movie with Nathalie
  • Scrolling on the phone
Mel stayed behind which Del rode the energies of the earth to become a spirit guide for a seeker. Del was gone, and Mel remembered it. Del was a seeker, too, churning more dead leaves than necessary into the forest floor, digging entire galleries after the rains to open the earth for plant roots.

Mel held back, sensing the watchful eyes of the birds who sometimes caught those who ventured forth, and who seemed more numerous after the rains. But Del had sensed or smelled things differently, ready to accept some danger in service of the process.

Yet, Mel still churned, and still loved the earth. Mel also loved Uruk. As they lay side by side, Mel odored to Uruk the sense of loss since Del's departure.

"Do not regret it, Mel. Del has no doubt risen to understand the air," assured Uruk, with a gentle odor and flow.

Mel reflected in a drier period as it slept. This life was, somehow, to be lived fully; the true rest would come after. It felt the gentle thumps of returning rain. Gradually, as the ground filled with water, Mel returned to digging and eating.

Mel was leaving casts on the forest floor when it got its chance to feel the air. Caught in a bird's beak, it left the forest floor forever, only to return from the air in bird droppings. Mel, too, had served the process fully.
Conscious attention
  • Odor of wine, and pleasure of sharing a moment with Nath
  • The Candler story
  • Back pain, letting me sleep until 5:30 AM
  • The healing of the central ray
  • Smells: damp, earth, unidentifiable autumn odors
  • Sun, the cats
  • The feel of kiwis as they are picked
  • The taste of spaghetti squash with bacon, onion, and cream
  • The sounds of music
  • The feeling of gentle exercise
  • The story of the earthworm
Conscious action
  • Reading
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking counterclockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Picking kiwis after reading the lunar situation
  • Speaking with Dad
  • Napping with headphones and the cat on my lap
  • Making and drinking matcha tea
  • Raking
  • Playing guitar outside, staying outside in the nice autumn weather
  • Riding
  • Imagining the story of the earthworms
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
  • The taste of fruit and other foods
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Email
  • Walking, breathing, cleaning
Conscious attention
  • The tastes of dinner, especially onions and cheese
  • Back pain, especially in the early morning
  • Sounds: an owl, my footsteps
  • The pain diminishing out the central ray
  • A Candler story
  • Jenkins pipeline code
  • DS *rate tools examples
  • Regular expression code
Conscious action
  • Making dinner
  • Staying away from television, reading instead
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking counterclockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Developing slides
  • Developing pipelines
  • Developing an Antora extensions to generate full-text index data
  • Fixing DS *rate tools examples
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
  • Feeling worn out
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Serving the cats
  • Eating leftovers
Conscious attention
  • Back pain, especially at night
  • Sounds: coffee, rain and wet
  • Maven structures in opendj-docs
Conscious action
  • Relaxing my back
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking counterclockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Fixing Maven POMs and doc tests
  • Developing slides
  • Riding a bit
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Breathing, typing
  • Keeping at it until I'm exhausted
Conscious attention
  • Back pain, especially at night
  • Sounds: birds, cars, bells
  • Structures in the IG docs
Conscious action
  • Relaxing my back, and my attitude
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Fixing Asciidoc
  • Riding a bit
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
  • Cats, interruptions
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Breathing, typing
  • Stressing over work I might have to do
Conscious attention
  • Back pain and tension especially at night
  • Sounds: birds, cars and low rumble, rain drops
  • Listening to a JHK podcast
Conscious action
  • Relaxing my back
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Fixing Asciidoc! and asking questions about Antora
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
  • Cats, interruptions
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Breathing, typing, reading blog entries
Conscious attention
  • Family speaking about their lives
  • Back pain and tension
  • Story of Siddhartha
  • Sounds: cat, appliances, typing
Conscious action
  • Relaxing my back
  • Ritual, meditation
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Fixing Asciidoc!
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Some eating (then I noticed myself)
Conscious attention
  • Back pain and tension
  • Guide driving a blue and gold car
  • Story of Siddhartha
  • Sounds: toilet, clocks ticking, a car
  • Tastes of good food and wine, then cheesecake
  • Trees with colored leaves, moss, mushrooms, water flowing in a stream, soft mist
  • Taking photos
Conscious action
  • Relaxing my back
  • Arranging the family meeting
  • Pathwork, listening to Fred (the characters are in there?)
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Throwing the wands
  • Restringing the PRS guitar
  • Playing the guitar
  • Preparing roasted root vegetables, slowly chewing
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Pain, tension
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Following the cats around
Conscious attention
  • Back pain and tension
  • Story of Siddhartha
  • Sounds: kitchen appliances, clock ticking, cars, a bird or two
  • Trees turning colors
  • Walnuts, mushrooms
  • Elasticity of pizza dough
Conscious action
  • Looking to help Tim choose a guitar
  • Banishing, relaxing, meditating, throwing and reading the wands
  • Playing guitar
  • Holding myself relaxed while walking
  • Cooking cordons bleu, preparing pizza dough
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Sense of hunger even when I'm not really hungry
  • Concern, self-pity
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Looking at the television when others turn it on
  • Tensing up when the pain is there, or even when I think it will come
  • Not thinking of the stories I have to tell
Conscious attention
  • Pain, tension, relaxation
  • Sounds: birds, raining draining away, cars, a sort of low hum (plane? highway?)
  • Code, both in docs and in DS
Conscious action
  • Rituals, including meditation
  • Guitar exercises
  • Trying to relax my back
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Fixing code
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Back pain
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Some browsing. Amazing how quickly the mind wanders when in front of a computer.
Conscious attention
  • Pain, tension, relaxation
  • Sounds: cars, birds, appliances, clock ticking
  • Broken links, build failures
Conscious action
  • Guitar exercises
  • Trying to relax my back
  • Finishing reading a short story
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Fixing links and formatting
  • Going for a walk
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Back pain
  • Feel of walking in a light rain
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Some eating
  • Unproductive thinking
Conscious attention
  • Saxophone
  • Pain, tension, relaxation
  • Sounds: hard drive, appliances, a few bird calls, a car or two
  • Build failures
Conscious action
  • Guitar exercises
  • Trying to relax my back
  • Reading to take my mind off things
  • Walking clockwise around the house
  • Fixing images, formatting
  • Learning Antora, Jenkins pipelines
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Ruminating pain again at night
  • Cats
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Eating, tensing upWincing
  • Cycling, affirmations
Day 7
Conscious attention
  • Pain and the result of osteopathy (partial fix)
  • Piano music
  • Sounds of grinding chamomile
Conscious action
  • Trying not to get attached to work
  • Trying to relax my back
  • Fixing images, formatting
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Back pain
  • Ruminating pain again at night
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Eating, tensing up
Day 6
Conscious attention
  • Trying not to make a false move
  • Job output
Conscious action
  • Fixing Antora builds and pipelines
  • Calming my back
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Back pain
  • Ruminating pain after waking up
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Eating, tensing up
Day 5
Conscious attention
  • Staying awake, waiting for Nathalie
  • Pathwork images
  • The sound of piano music
  • The taste of pancakes, squash, eggs, brownies
  • The smells of the garden, of burning rosemary
  • The calls of the birds in the afternoon
  • The sounds of the hunt
  • The gray rosemary ash
  • The dry leaves of the easternmost rose and the walnut tree
Conscious action
  • Pathwork, divination
  • Planting onions, borage
  • Cooking brownies, squash, hard-boiled eggs
  • Sheet composing
  • Seeing Big Foot's son as a musician
  • Preparing tincture of rosemary
Unconscious/habitual attention
  • Where's the story?
  • There is a story inside. Many stories.
  • Imagine it hard enough and it becomes real.
Unconscious/habitual action
  • Breathing, balancing, sleeping,
  • Walking around
Page generated Apr. 3rd, 2026 09:08 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios